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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Friends or Foes - Lost Perception

When the long weekend for me was over, I started off Monday with a beaten spirit and an ill health. I awoken with my face over the toilet bowl puking away. Mind you, this is not because of having lots to drink the night before but rather a simple unwell feeling overcame me.

I haven't been this weak and this sick ever since the days where H1N1 was rampant. That time was worse. I was so sick, I couldn't even get out of bed. I just lay there for one whole day dropping in and out of sleep till I finally get a bit of strength to grab some water to drink 2 steps away from my bed. I thought I had H1N1 and possess some symptoms that said I do and I thought I was gonna die. But then, it wasn't. After laying in bed for 2 straight days, I finally regain enough strength to walk towards my kitchen to grab some food to eat. Coincidentally, that period was a holiday period.

This time, I wasn't so fortunate. And what's even more unfortunate was it happened on a very crucial working day. After emptying my stomach through my mouth, I had this nagging feeling to empty my bowels the natural way. After freshening myself, I felt so cold that I shivered profusely. 3 minutes later, it was the other extreme and I felt so hot. What's more throughout this whole ordeal and the whole day, the headaches and joint and muscle aches all over me stuck to me.
I staggered myself to work and march to the clinic as soon as I get the opportunity. But that was an unlucky day for me for it started to rain.
Being really sick that day, I wasn't able to think clearly nor finish my thoughts. I tried to find my way to the clinic in the building opposite, but I got lost thrice just going up and down that building.
When I finally manage to find the clinic, I discovered......it was STILL CLOSED. The security guard told me that they forgot to bring the key and will open shortly. But after waiting close to about half an hour, I gave up and gave HR a call to guide me to the next nearest clinic.

Being weak and all with the rain pouring, I summoned help and got an umbrella for shade as I walk to the next clinic. Once I was halfway, the rain started receded. My, oh, my. WHY DO YOU PLAY ME LIKE THIIISSSSS??!!!?!?! I finally reached the 2nd clinic instructed by my HR. One look at it, horrors of horrors, it's not a panel doctor and was instructed to walk again in my weak state to the next clinic. Everything was a blur for me. But I do remember I couldn't see very far.

In my ready-to-collapse state as I arrived finally to a panel clinic, I was hurriedly assisted. All this just for the sake of a paper to get me off work.
It didn't took me long till I was out of the clinic and stumble and lost my way till I manage to get back to office again.
Yes, office! Although I had the MC to head on home, I STILL had to ask my boss can I go otherwise you might see her angry (which I don't want to face)/panic (which she was already) state.
Another unfortunately, she wanted me to stay but provided a room for me to rest and not to be disturbed unless emergency. Unfortunately (again), I had intermittent calls waking me up which I was too hazy at that time to think of switching it to silent mode. The ordeal went on for about 2 hours later, where I decided to call it quits. Yet, she required me to stay on for 1 more hour of which I accommodated and went back to the room to try and get some rest after eating something. Both my phones were crazily harassing me.

I finally got to go home at around 4.30pm that day. I blissfully cruise home and collapsed on my bed at around 5 something in the evening.
I didn't give myself a chance to wake up for anything till my next morning alarm rang again.
Too bad I didn't fully recover and work through my weaken state grunting and groaning all the day. For the rest of the day, my mind was just as hazy as the previous day.

Yesterday, for some reason, I couldn't sleep at all and kept having thoughts about work as I struggled to sleep (I think I've become a zombie since all I can think about is work). I hope I don't fall back to the pattern of my 1st job and become brain dead again. So this morning as I looked into the mirror, I had a shock to see the pupils of my eyes were the biggest they've been and I look like a person who's possessed by demons having lost his soul.
I went to work cranky not being able to sleep. Although the whole day was basically quite a blur for me, but I do remember some incidence that seem to make this day considerably lucky.
It just seemed like a dream. I made a little pocket money today but strangely, my boss seemed to treat me kindly today. I was late in meeting deadlines but instead of the usual scolding or sourish feeling, oddly enough, she's being really kind to me. And what's more strange? I find all the other departments doing exactly the same work I was doing since the holidays till now but for their department. O_o Erm, huh?
Anyway, it was a really blurry day for me today. I keep phasing in and out of my daydreams. I hope that I don't go the way of my 1st job because that will make me brain dead and unable to differentiate reality and fantasy. Yeah, overwork can do that to you too if you only think about drugs. Or maybe it's the alcohol......hmmmm.