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Thursday, October 25, 2007

There's An Angel On My MSN

And what an Angel she was and is.

You see, I finally mustered up the courage to be able to add this individual into my MSN messenger. However, I've only chatted with her once online, really afraid of being too much of an annoyance to her, since she occasionally shows it through her body language. I wonder does she even notice this since she always try to be super nice.

Anyway, she's gonna leave the company soon and I should bid her farewell soon.

Went to 1 Utama yesterday night to look around some more for gift ideas. The previous time I went looking for gift ideas for a present for her was the day after I came back from my hometown which was still a day of holiday for me. I went over to KLCC that day to look for something special.

Some people would think I must be crazy putting so much time and effort in getting a gift. But being the perfectionist I always was, I still couldn't get rid of some of my perfectionist trait like this one. Why I spend so much time and effort in getting a gift is because I wanted to give a gift that is special, that is unique, but at the same time practical or useful for the intended receiver. I don't feel like giving a common gift where people usually give such as a pen, or soft toy (although this is really a good gift, but it must be cute enough plus it should be a person who like those kinda things), but something unique, but at the same time it can be useful. The problem with me is I also do not like to reuse my gift idea too much as this dilute the feel of specialty towards the item from my point of view.

So far, I've started from giving pen that has the name of the recipient or a message carved on it, then there was a time I gave out a mug, then there was a time I gave a photo frame, but just recently, I discovered an ugly truth, gift/souvenir stores does not contain gifts that are unique or nice enough to give. Also, they charge at such an exorbitant rate. The last gift that I gave left me feeling really proud of making that decision. It was a crystal candy dish. The gift was unique enough, yet at the same time, it looks really beautiful and yet it's useful should you decided to not make it just as a decor piece.

So far, the best candidate for a present I saw was two chalice cups at the Selangor Royal Pewter which comes with a case. But I still feel that it couldn't beat the crystal candy dish gift idea. I'll be continuing in scouting out for a really unique gift. If none can be found, I guess I'll go for something at the Selangor Royal Pewter or back to a crystal gift.

The deadline for giving the gift has already been set in my mind. It will be....November 1st!!! Really wanted to treat her to dinner too, but afraid of the ridicule of colleagues saying why I never treat the person who's in my own department that left. I just don't know what to do.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Will A Crumbling Empire Survive?

Since the last time I blogged, a lot has happened in my life. A few things would have people categorizing it as life changing decisions and experiences. These include purchasing a condominium, masses of friends and colleagues leaving which may result in not being able to see them again, taking on part time studies with my packed schedule of having a full time job and a part time job along with my Christian activities, and me feverishly looking for a new job.

It's gonna be a year since I've worked here come October 30, 2007. From a quiet fool with no confidence in whatever I do, this job with it's responsibility and environment has molded me into a person who is brimming with confidence in every statement I make, speaks out at any opportunity I get, be a conversation starter (but not actively participating in it), and manage to see a brighter side of life for a glimpse of time.

Despite all that one year of life in this company, I would say, I am back to where I started all over again. Many a times, I revert back to my old introvert self again. I keep looking at the gloomy side of life and at times I just feel like cutting myself off from the world so that they would not be poisoned by my negative thinking.

I am once again looking for a job and a place where I can truly belong. I really have no idea how I feel because a part of me is sad at the current condition I'm in, while the other says good job on what you've accomplished through life and in the end, I just feel confused over my emotions.

The battle against suicide has receded to a level that is low which is good. Probably because of my busy schedule that I imposed upon myself in order not to have too much time to think about myself.

I guess, what I really wanna say is I really have no idea what my feelings really are at the moment. I'm taking a day at a time. When I look back the past year, a part of me cries, while a part of me is proud of the achievement accomplished. No matter what, I'm going for another life-changing decision, looking for a new job.