Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Will A Crumbling Empire Survive?

Since the last time I blogged, a lot has happened in my life. A few things would have people categorizing it as life changing decisions and experiences. These include purchasing a condominium, masses of friends and colleagues leaving which may result in not being able to see them again, taking on part time studies with my packed schedule of having a full time job and a part time job along with my Christian activities, and me feverishly looking for a new job.

It's gonna be a year since I've worked here come October 30, 2007. From a quiet fool with no confidence in whatever I do, this job with it's responsibility and environment has molded me into a person who is brimming with confidence in every statement I make, speaks out at any opportunity I get, be a conversation starter (but not actively participating in it), and manage to see a brighter side of life for a glimpse of time.

Despite all that one year of life in this company, I would say, I am back to where I started all over again. Many a times, I revert back to my old introvert self again. I keep looking at the gloomy side of life and at times I just feel like cutting myself off from the world so that they would not be poisoned by my negative thinking.

I am once again looking for a job and a place where I can truly belong. I really have no idea how I feel because a part of me is sad at the current condition I'm in, while the other says good job on what you've accomplished through life and in the end, I just feel confused over my emotions.

The battle against suicide has receded to a level that is low which is good. Probably because of my busy schedule that I imposed upon myself in order not to have too much time to think about myself.

I guess, what I really wanna say is I really have no idea what my feelings really are at the moment. I'm taking a day at a time. When I look back the past year, a part of me cries, while a part of me is proud of the achievement accomplished. No matter what, I'm going for another life-changing decision, looking for a new job.