Monday, August 06, 2007

A Day of Despair for Me

Came to work this Monday morning with the overwhelming feeling of tiredness. Couldn't concentrate on much as my attention just drifted from one thing to another in almost an instant. More often than not, I find myself lost in my thoughts and daydreams as I carry on my routined life. After a chat with my ever-busy pretty colleague, I drifted towards downstairs to my morning cup of beverage again. Breakfast was a blur and before I knew it, 2 hours had past. As I was heading towards the door out of my department, the phone rang. Since I was the only one in the room at that particular moment, I picked up the phone and answered. Turns out it was for me for my claims.

Like a will-o-the-wisp, I faded towards upstairs again in claiming my money. After that, I stopped awhile to read the morning papers and that's when I was badly hit. No, I wasn't physically hit, but rather, emotionally. The horrid news plastering the few front pages in the morning paper gave me a rather depressing mood in my already vulnerable state.

Since that time in the morning, I wasn't merely tired from an illusionary physical standpoint, but was further tired in a depressing state. If possible, I just wouldn't wanna budge from wherever I am and try to be as inactive as I possibly could.

The feeling of suicidal, homicidal, depression, and tiredness all mixed up inside me was so great today, that I fail to move myself to take my awful free lunch at the cafeteria. Not as if anybody cares. The gruesome depression further intensifies when I read about the ugly truth on nursery rhymes. Some nursery rhymes were designed in remembrance of an event in history which sometimes is quite a cruel truth in which children were never to know of.

Happily not all nursery rhymes are that way, as some are just plain good poems which helps me to appreciate the simplicity in constructing such rhymes. One glimmer of comfort surprisingly came from a very well known nursery rhyme, "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." Unlike the short version I knew by heart, the original version simply portrays the splendor of the poem and not some childish nursery rhyme. Here's the full version of it:

Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are?
Up above the world so high , like a diamond in the sky
When the blazing sun is gone, when he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light, twinkle, twinkle all the night.
Then the traveler in the dark, thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go, if you did not twinkle so.
In the dark blue sky you keep, and often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye, 'till the sun is in the sky.
As your bright and tiny spark lights the traveler in the dark,
Though I know not what you are - twinkle, twinkle little star.

Interestingly, this made my mind playback to the soothing sounds of Corrinne May's song in my head, 'Fall to Fly', as I drift off dozing off, on and off, as this song continues to play in my head, calming my emotions.