Thursday, March 22, 2007

Rain Another Day

How I do love the morning rain. The gentle sound of showers hitting the roof making a melancholic sound soothes my soul. The pitter and patter of the raindrops colliding with the glass window sets the mood to slumber. How I do love the morning rain.

It's been raining on mornings for the past four days and I'm enjoying every moment of it. It saddens me but also enjoying it, wishing I was able to watch the trickle of rain falling and appeasing me as it drops to the ground, forming puddles of water from a spot here and there. Wish that it would continue to rain on mornings for a long long time. How I do love the morning rain.

It started on a Monday. Two of my colleagues were absent. One was on sick leave while the other just didn't show up and started to take emergency leave for that day. The second day was raining quite heavily without the drama of thunders and lightnings, another morning shower and I showed up for work, sick. Wondering whether the previous night had I manage to acquire some sleep. I had bouts and flashes of thoughts appearing occasionally during the previous nights and I couldn't distinguish that whether it's a dream or my thoughts. It was a dreamy state of mind, definitely a fiction of my imagination, never a reality, but was it a dream or was it a thought? The other two colleague of mine showed up for work rather late, an hour late. I had no comments, I had no thoughts, I had no words to speak for I was numb, not feeling well at all. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, had it been I was sleepless the whole night, or was it the dinner that I ate? I was shivering occasionally during the night, vigorously too. But inside me I felt as if a fire had been lit inside of me, really hot, burning up. Albeit all of those symptoms I didn't take a day off from work for I was unsure about my condition. I had no fever, yet I felt that something was wrong inside me.

Oh, how I do love the morning rain. A beautiful and yet ordinary form of simplicity. A soul-searching and thought provoking instigator to me.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

.....And Now Fridays Seem To Never Come

Well, back to normal after lunch time, feeling back in my depressed mode. Funny thing is I feel so restless today. It's as if I've taken too many drugs.

Some Days, Mondays Are Harder to Find

This morning despite yesterday's sadness ran from morning all the way till the evenings, I woke up feeling the direct opposite as I did yesterday. I couldn't explain why the sudden urge to be cheerful since my mornings usually encompass a grouchy or melancholic setting. There wasn't any reason to be cheerful this early anyway.

Came to work this morning and the oddest and strangest situation greeted me. I walked into the cafeteria as usual to get my morning dose of coffee and to my surprise, all around the cafeteria were a group of rowdy looking bunch sitting around trying to figure out how to fill in the employment forms with 2 of HR/Admin department staffs explaining to some of them. It was as if the company has decided to hire some people to start a gang fight. One guy really looked the part as if he's ready to rob a store when he put on his head gear. Interesting morning indeed. I couldn't stop laughing when the sight of this caught my eye.

Still couldn't understand my cheerfulness today. Due to the fact of my cheerfulness, I was greeted by almost everybody as I sport a smile on my face today.

Interestingly enough, yesterday should leave me cheerful with me starting as a confirmed staff as of yesterday. But despite the surprisingly high score (5 more points and I would be rated as outstanding, the highest rate) and the thought of being permanent at a job that rarely requires much from me, I still feel a pinch of sadness overcoming my supposed joy, surpassing it in every way. Maybe it's because I'm known to move from job to jobs that saddens me, or maybe it's because I'm feeling the mundaneness of work, or maybe I just plain feel sad.

Whatever is controlling my feelings it sure is funny that I tend to not feel what I'm suppose to feel. Maybe I've gone crazy.....again.