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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A Sense of Belonging

I've managed to survived driving to work for 2 days now. Frankly speaking, I am starting to head towards one of my greatest fear. Getting addicted to driving when I'm still kind of a reckless driver.

I don't know why, I always have the urge to drive a little faster. If I drive slowly, I feel kind of bored and feel tired of driving. When I was driving from my hometown (Ipoh) back to the big city of Petaling Jaya/Kuala Lumpur, there was a time on the road that I felt so bored, I just don't feel like driving and my father was complaining away at the passenger side on what am I doing and concentrate on my driving.

Well, just as I have expected that having an auto car feel's like I'm driving one of those bumper cars that I used to drive at funfairs. When I was young, I used to drive the bumper cars not to bump people, but to avoid getting bumped. I know it's strange, but I just don't like the bumping feeling and was superb in avoiding being bumped at.

Anyway, I'm still sick of working. I just feel like I wanna drive all day or sleep my days away. Alas, work still beckons me. Still trying to establish my own business but had no idea still on what to do and have no idea how to establish it. Maybe I should just quit my job, get one in Ipoh and start staying with my parents again. I'm feeling rather bored living in the big city. I just don't feel I belong here anymore. Oh well, only time will reveal the outcome of my precarious journey through life.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The Point of No Return

Here forth, I am barricaded with the mountain of responsibility. What am I babbling about? The turning of my life (again). So far things that I always do has avoided big responsibility. But from now onwards, it's going to be an uphill battle.

A car. I've bought a car. And I have no idea on how to go about operating it without killing myself. Of course I have a driver's license, but it is now time for the added responsibility of handling my funds as well as the division of my attention to focus on the task at hand. No more daydreaming riding in cars anymore or I might end up taking a wrong turn somewhere.

In addition to the car, I'm looking to purchase my own apartment. Sure it might seem a little overwhelming in the responsibility side but I just feel the need to get my own place at this point in life. I can't explain why I feel such insane feelings but for some reason I just want to move towards that phase in my life somehow. I know things are pretty hectic and I'm pushing a lot of big changes into my life all too fast and too soon, but I just feel the urge to do it. And I just can't control my unguided feelings anymore. No amount of rational reasoning is able to convince or quell this once undesired feeling in me anymore. It's just the get up and do kind of thing for me.

As if the feeling of needing to spend big money wasn't enough, I somehow feel the need to set up my own business now. I'm just sick and tired of working for somebody. I feel the need to be free. Currently, I have no idea on what kind of business that I wanna be involved in, but I have budgetted enough to carry out this plan.

Still as confused as ever, I don't know why such a drastic change in my approach towards life, but I know one things for sure, my feelings tend to overpower my reasonings and my thoughts. I no longer can control the wildness of emotions anymore. So much for a lifetime struggle.