Monday, February 27, 2006

A Rainy Sunday Morning

I love the rain. A lot of people hate it when it rains because it inhibits them from carrying on their normal lives without getting wet. I on the other hand love it. Especially when it rains in the morning. Not a really heavy thunderstorm, but mediocre showers without the lightning flashing forth and the thunder rumbling away. I love it because it brings me a sense of calmness and comfort in me. It provides me solace. It wouldn't instill anger in me. In fact, should I feel angry about something, when it showers to the ground, it quells my anger and turns it into sorrow. It's as if the heaven's are crying with me.

Unfortunately, the rain does have it's drawbacks on my feelings. I tend to be sorrowful when it rains. The feelings of suicide heightens to ten times than I normally would feel. That's why I love the morning rain, it makes me feel tired of life and would be easy for me to drop back into bed and doze off. Every morning when I wake up, I always feel tired of getting on in life and always feel how good it would be to sleep and never to wake up again. But I never do doze off again and eventually had to wake up. But when it rains, it's a whole new different story. I can manage to go back to bed again.

Funny thing about the rain is that when I was younger, the rain always coincides with my feelings. Everytime when I'm feeling sad, it always rains. Of course, sometimes when I'm feeling sad it doesn't rain but it's always the case that when it's raining, chances are I'm sad. Now, though, it's the other way round in the sense that when it rains, then I start to feel down. And another funny thing about the rain is, when I was younger it's as if God was looking out for me so that I will not be wet. During my college years, I have always wondered why is it that when it's about to rain it will not rain until I get to some shelter. And it also happened many times that once I reached home, it started pouring. I was not the only one wondering about this, my friend Peter asked me the same question. He said God must be with me and liked me very much because everytime he sends me home on the bike, when it's about to rain, and when I reach home, about one or two minutes later it would start to pour and he would be soaking wet while I'm dry as a whistle at home. Well, now the situation has changed. Everytime I forgot to bring an umbrella, it would start to rain and I would be stuck.

I guess all good things must come to an end, and for everything I've received had a reverse effect now.