Thursday, December 29, 2005

Enlightenment in the Form of Rage

Just the other day, I was strucked with more unnecessary stress. The guilty party who was the source of it, my boss and his friend!

The friend who came down from Ireland (he's Malaysian Chinese but migrated there) made a promise to do some demo thinggy at the library at eleven a.m. I did as I was told and setup the equipment needed for the demo before eleven came. After setup was complete (along with making sure that things worked), I looked around the room and I break in cold sweat as I saw a full audience has arrived! They were asking me was I gonna do the demo. I told them no and that the person doing the demo is on his way and will be arriving soon. Unfortunately, it was not soon enough. Later, the audience, who consists of many head of departments were getting restless and most of them stormed out of the room and went elsewhere to either do something or chat around with some friends. I was a nervous wrecked then but I was helpless. I couldn't do anything and at that time I was feeling a bit angry. He arrived half an hour later with my boss and was acting like some big shot. I had to call everyone who were to view the demo to gather back at the room.

I thought that the nightmare was over but instead this big shot created more problems for me. His demo included using e-mail to send out and there were no e-mail configured with 'Microsoft Outlook Express' for him to use. (I'm still wondering why he couldn't just use his e-mail). So I got the blame for that for some reason even though I have asked my boss what does he need to use for the demo. So I tried to configure one for him but was unable to do so and so in the end I have to lend an e-mail account for him to use for the demo.

That incident surely confirmed my belief of one of two things that I hate the most. One is getting blamed for something which is not my fault. Especially when I get scolded for something I have no idea what the wrong was about and was not even involved in the incident. The second thing I hate the most is somebody else taking the credit of what I've done while the person taking the credit didn't even lift a finger.

With all these things added with the high level of stress that I'm currently coping with I have found myself dangerously at the borderline of the position that I was in during my high school years. I am craving to start fights and feeling addicted back to picking fights again.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Was I Drunk?

Everything last night was a blur to me. I could vaguely remember bits and pieces of images during last night's Christian meeting that I attended. I knew I did a lot of things yesterday, being busy with a few things that I needed to do, but I could hardly remember much of last night. It feels as if I was drunk. I remember having a severe headache which keeps thumping on my head for the whole evening, I remembered swaggling up and down to move from one place to another, but never have I had this feeling without having a drink of an alcoholic beverage. I also remembered I was talking a lot of nonsense yesterday, with my sarcastic remarks and my witty jokes (hope nobody is offended by what I said). Next thing I know, I was inside a car heading for home. The next thing I remembered was...this morning having a stomachache and that's it. What happened to the rest of things in between? What has caused me to experience this memory loss? Is it the combination of a severe headache and being physically and mentally tired? The mystery continues...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Is It The End?

I haven't been updating for quite some time now mainly because that I feel like my life is really crumbling down. Nowadays, I feel emotions that I don't even know why I feel that way. To top that up, it changes really quickly too. There are a few times this feeling has made me restless and I lose sleep on that. At other times, it makes me feel really tired, and I will just lie in bed for the whole day without doing anything. The mixed feelings include the feeling of wanting to throw up often. I don't know why I feel sick sometimes even when I'm healthy. I'm suspecting that it's because of my throat being very dry. The particular feeling heightens during my ride home at rush hour. I'm a real mess right now although I don't show when I'm around people since I have to clean up other people's messes too! That's not even including the messes in my job. Another suspect for such a condition happening, stress. Who's the culprit. Stand up and show yourself. I'm sick and tired of being messed up. I need a remedy.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Hah! Finally~!

For some reason, I was unable to access my own blogspot for the last couple of days. Wasn't trying to add a post at that time but even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to! I wonder what happened. Weird Internet connection in my office. I can't even access yahoo sometimes! More printer problems cropped up which brings the printer season to the worst ever encountered by me. The total is a whopping 17 printer problems! Including one today.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Crumbling Days of My Life

I can't stop thinking about how long will I be able to live before my life and my world start to cave in on me. It certainly looks like it's going that way. When my father came for a visit, that was strike one. Couldn't stand being with him much. For some reason, my stress level always go up high when it comes to him coming for a visit. Every night when he's around, no matter how tired I get I just can't sleep till the wee hours of the morning. I started to worry about a lot of matters when he's around even when the problem does not even relate to him. Good thing his visits are only for a short period of time.

Nowadays, I tend to worry about tenants,not on getting somebody to stay because for some reason there's ample of people staying with me at the moment, but rather on tenants behavior and how much can they afford. I don't mind giving them a price which is affordable to them but how am I gonna get that past my parents? On top of that will I be able to juggle my expenses to fit that? I just don't know what to think.

Another major thing that keeps me on the ropes is my job. Recently, there is a lot of major problems which I am unable to solve because it's not my field of expertise. Printer problems are one of them and with printer problems season now, I just can't seem to cope with it because I can't fix printers when it's hardware problem and I don't have spare printers. The worse is bar code printers which is totally giving major problems.

My life seems to be climaxing and I'm just awaiting for the finale to arrive. Wonder if it's really soon.