Friday, September 09, 2005

A Play of Emotions

These past few weeks have really been a rollercoaster ride on my feelings. I guess it's because I'm having access to so many inspirational materials with me. This year has truly put me in a situation of finding things that affect me deeply. Started off with getting Corrinne May's CD which was inspiring to me (even moving me to tears with her first two melodies). Then there was that ever eventful day of despair and helplessness when I plunged head first into moving to an apartment by myself. The start of a new job excited me, fearful of unable to meet up to expectations too. The evermore beat around the bush hospital visitations to find out of my health condition. And last but not least, the discovery of the world of Japanese anime and manga!

In the beginning, I have never been interested in Japanese anime and manga. The thought of watching and reading those stuff just doesn't seem to interest me. I've always shunned it even though I was already sucked into the world of comics. (Especially enjoyed the Wolverine and X-Men series). My friends whom I hang out often with were rambling on non-stop about it at one time especially when the Initial D series came out but always, I would tuned off to what they would have to say replying that I'm not interested.

Then one day, upon stumbling on a really good website about tv shows, I've been madly watching TV shows on my computer (ironically) on a daily basis. That was the time when I decided to watch an anime for a start. After watching the first anime, I figured, "Hmm, that's not bad" and started to watch the Initial D series to find out what's the hype about. When I started watching it, I couldn't stopped. Ended up I had to play the next episode to find out what happened to satisfy my curiosity. It surely started me to like animes. Hence I moved on from there. From there, I grew to love animes more and more and started to read mangas to get the story of the manga (as most adaptation of mangas into animes had different storylines although the main story remains the same). Now I'm totally immersed in it and all these got me pretty worked up.

I remember a similar thing happened during my high school period. That time it was about Jpop. I've never liked Jpop then as I find it noisy and in a language I do not understand at that time. But once one of my friend introduced me to Utada Hikaru (the song of course, not the person!) I gave Jpop a listen. And it started to grow in me. Nowadays, I love Jpop too! I also use it as a tool to help me improve in my Japanese sometimes.

Hence, I believe these are some events that have led me to become quite an emotional person recently. No more of that violent temper flaring up nowadays (used to be easily provoked) but more of the easiness of crying when I feel moved or sad and getting overjoyed and cheery when I'm happy. The downside is feeling extra nervous when I do get nervous. This really contrasts to what I was last time. People say I have no feelings because I always have the same expression. Okay, fine, I have a strong feminine side of me! But I'm still very much of a guy compared to many people! Plus I'm not a fag! Hey, I grew up with two sisters you know. Of course I'll be influenced!

Anyway, there's nothing wrong in letting my feelings go, though I still prefer to bottle up most of the time. In fact, keeping to myself although is not as fun but it does portray a sense of coolness, doesn't it? Doesn't it? :P