Thursday, December 29, 2005

Enlightenment in the Form of Rage

Just the other day, I was strucked with more unnecessary stress. The guilty party who was the source of it, my boss and his friend!

The friend who came down from Ireland (he's Malaysian Chinese but migrated there) made a promise to do some demo thinggy at the library at eleven a.m. I did as I was told and setup the equipment needed for the demo before eleven came. After setup was complete (along with making sure that things worked), I looked around the room and I break in cold sweat as I saw a full audience has arrived! They were asking me was I gonna do the demo. I told them no and that the person doing the demo is on his way and will be arriving soon. Unfortunately, it was not soon enough. Later, the audience, who consists of many head of departments were getting restless and most of them stormed out of the room and went elsewhere to either do something or chat around with some friends. I was a nervous wrecked then but I was helpless. I couldn't do anything and at that time I was feeling a bit angry. He arrived half an hour later with my boss and was acting like some big shot. I had to call everyone who were to view the demo to gather back at the room.

I thought that the nightmare was over but instead this big shot created more problems for me. His demo included using e-mail to send out and there were no e-mail configured with 'Microsoft Outlook Express' for him to use. (I'm still wondering why he couldn't just use his e-mail). So I got the blame for that for some reason even though I have asked my boss what does he need to use for the demo. So I tried to configure one for him but was unable to do so and so in the end I have to lend an e-mail account for him to use for the demo.

That incident surely confirmed my belief of one of two things that I hate the most. One is getting blamed for something which is not my fault. Especially when I get scolded for something I have no idea what the wrong was about and was not even involved in the incident. The second thing I hate the most is somebody else taking the credit of what I've done while the person taking the credit didn't even lift a finger.

With all these things added with the high level of stress that I'm currently coping with I have found myself dangerously at the borderline of the position that I was in during my high school years. I am craving to start fights and feeling addicted back to picking fights again.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Was I Drunk?

Everything last night was a blur to me. I could vaguely remember bits and pieces of images during last night's Christian meeting that I attended. I knew I did a lot of things yesterday, being busy with a few things that I needed to do, but I could hardly remember much of last night. It feels as if I was drunk. I remember having a severe headache which keeps thumping on my head for the whole evening, I remembered swaggling up and down to move from one place to another, but never have I had this feeling without having a drink of an alcoholic beverage. I also remembered I was talking a lot of nonsense yesterday, with my sarcastic remarks and my witty jokes (hope nobody is offended by what I said). Next thing I know, I was inside a car heading for home. The next thing I remembered was...this morning having a stomachache and that's it. What happened to the rest of things in between? What has caused me to experience this memory loss? Is it the combination of a severe headache and being physically and mentally tired? The mystery continues...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Is It The End?

I haven't been updating for quite some time now mainly because that I feel like my life is really crumbling down. Nowadays, I feel emotions that I don't even know why I feel that way. To top that up, it changes really quickly too. There are a few times this feeling has made me restless and I lose sleep on that. At other times, it makes me feel really tired, and I will just lie in bed for the whole day without doing anything. The mixed feelings include the feeling of wanting to throw up often. I don't know why I feel sick sometimes even when I'm healthy. I'm suspecting that it's because of my throat being very dry. The particular feeling heightens during my ride home at rush hour. I'm a real mess right now although I don't show when I'm around people since I have to clean up other people's messes too! That's not even including the messes in my job. Another suspect for such a condition happening, stress. Who's the culprit. Stand up and show yourself. I'm sick and tired of being messed up. I need a remedy.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Hah! Finally~!

For some reason, I was unable to access my own blogspot for the last couple of days. Wasn't trying to add a post at that time but even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to! I wonder what happened. Weird Internet connection in my office. I can't even access yahoo sometimes! More printer problems cropped up which brings the printer season to the worst ever encountered by me. The total is a whopping 17 printer problems! Including one today.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Crumbling Days of My Life

I can't stop thinking about how long will I be able to live before my life and my world start to cave in on me. It certainly looks like it's going that way. When my father came for a visit, that was strike one. Couldn't stand being with him much. For some reason, my stress level always go up high when it comes to him coming for a visit. Every night when he's around, no matter how tired I get I just can't sleep till the wee hours of the morning. I started to worry about a lot of matters when he's around even when the problem does not even relate to him. Good thing his visits are only for a short period of time.

Nowadays, I tend to worry about tenants,not on getting somebody to stay because for some reason there's ample of people staying with me at the moment, but rather on tenants behavior and how much can they afford. I don't mind giving them a price which is affordable to them but how am I gonna get that past my parents? On top of that will I be able to juggle my expenses to fit that? I just don't know what to think.

Another major thing that keeps me on the ropes is my job. Recently, there is a lot of major problems which I am unable to solve because it's not my field of expertise. Printer problems are one of them and with printer problems season now, I just can't seem to cope with it because I can't fix printers when it's hardware problem and I don't have spare printers. The worse is bar code printers which is totally giving major problems.

My life seems to be climaxing and I'm just awaiting for the finale to arrive. Wonder if it's really soon.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Peripheral Conspiracy

Thought I was really experienced when I first started working here at the library, but once I got here, sure I was still excellent with the hardware and software problems. But there were and are lots of funny problems that creeps up which is unexplainable. There just isn't any logical reasoning to tell them.

For instance, one of the worst case I got from the library. While working on her computer, less than five minutes later the computer restarted by itself. It happens over and over again for awhile. However, when I went down to check on it, it was fine. It ran smoothly, no error detected, no restarting itself, nothing. Shocking as it may, it went on like this for a few days, and everytime I check on it, there wasn't a problem. After much scolding and how she mentioned that I was demon possesed (although I was thinking God was with me cause I don't get to see the problem) I've decided to reformat it and hopefully the problem will go away. Later after reformatting, the problem occured before me. Only then did I know what was wrong with it. Immediately I rectify it as soon as I could.

The second most funniest problem ever occured to my PC itself. One fine day, the keyboard just decided to stop working. Strangely enough, it works fine until it started loading windows. Puzzled, I thought it best to reinstall. However upon completion of installation, I couldn't get the keyboard to work when it was suppose to autodetect my keyboard. Just one of the weirdest PC problems I get. A keyboard which works during DOS but stops working when it starts to load windows.

Next funny problem is there is a season for a certain device to stop functioning. I've came up with a plan to improve my service when I started working here and that was to order a few extra peripherals so that I don't have to wait for it to be delivered in order to fix up a PC. My supply was always exhausted in an instance. It's either that or an oversupply! That's because strangely enough, when one video card is busted, three other video card will follow suit over the next couple of days. So far the seasons I've went through in that order was, Network Card season (5), Power Supply season (5), CMOS Battery season (10), hard disk season (4), video card season (3), and currently, Printer season (4 including mine and counting). Whoops, my mistake, hard disk season was five including mine. Oh, the number in brackets were about how many needed replacements. Sick isn't it? Currently it's printer season. I can expect any other problems to be a printer problem. Oh, wait, there we go, five printer problems as of now.

Spooky but true. Things are weird around here. I bet all the computer problems are related to the unstable electrical current but that's just my theory at the moment. Can't figure out a way to prove my point. Hmm...just have to ride it out.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

A Lost Battle

After long and hard fighting off bacteria and viruses, I finally caved in to sickness. There was no way to prevent it this time around no matter how hard I tried because the weather's been raining down on me and being a person who loves the rain, I walked one too many times in the rain. In the end, I end up sick! I tried to remedy the situation with a bit more rest by coming home one day and resting in bed after work, well, it worked for awhile but the weather was too much a formidable foe for my antibodies and now, I'm having a cold and sore throat. But it's not gonna keep me down as I'm still performing my normal duties. All it takes now, is a little more effort to keep it together. Okay, a lot more effort. I can't wait to get a long rest when I get the chance. :|

Saturday, November 12, 2005

The Call That Feels Good

Talking about superheroes, I've always dreamt about being useful to somebody having a herolike personality but of course in real life nothing really happens and with the meager resources that I have I can barely help out anybody in a large way. More often than not, I would be the one needing help. But then, finally, I've had my chance.

Had to work this Saturday hence for some reason I decided to take the bus to work. Upon arriving near my workplace, as usual (before I stopped taking the bus) I got down from the stop near my workplace. Nothing's changed since the last time, construction is still going on at a nearby area and the long and not so winding road leading from the main road to a smaller one where I usually take. A lady got down at the same place as me and started walking the same direction I was heading. I found it a bit strange when she increased her pace to catch up with me since I'm a fast walker. After a few steps down the road, she shuddered upon looking ahead. I looked at her, puzzled. Then she started to speak saying that there were dogs ahead. With me still puzzled she continued saying that two of the dogs chased a person down this road the other day. Looking at the fear she bore upon her face, I decided to walk a normal pace so that I could walk with her.

As we were walking near the dogs, the lady just couldn't stop looking at the dogs in fear while I tried to act normally. In my heart I was saying to myself, "Lady, stop staring at the dogs and walk normally or they'll detect fear in you and will start running towards you," but she never took her eyes off the dogs. Just as I've predicted, one of the dogs started barking at her which made her jump! Looking at her reaction, the dog that barked started moving closer which leaves me no choice but to go even slower so that I could come between the dog and her. Because of the dog's barking, other three dogs started to bark as well. I changed my tactic from walking normally to monitoring the dogs' movements while walking slowly to allow the lady to be ahead of me since the dogs are now behind.

In the end, nothing drastic happened. The dogs never got close because everytime they tried to come near, I would turn around and look at it making the dogs afraid to come near. When the ordeal was over, the lady was very thankful I'm there and I felt like a hero. I've never felt so good before, never felt so strong in my life! I would love to have such a good experience again, but I doubt it would happen cause things like these almost never happens. Ah, well, that's life.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005



One of my favorite pasttime as a high school kid was reading comics. I really loved the X-Men series ranging from Uncanny X-Men to Wolverine to well, X-Men. I remember there were many titles relating to X-Men and it truly boggled my mind when I first started following the series. The first one I bought truly had a boring storyline to it but it didn't deter me from continuing further on other titles as I know that it's just that issue that was boring.

I was rewarded for my persistency and got washed away with the many details of the fictitious X-Men world. Pretty soon I got so caught up with the story that I had the store reserved a copy for me (since the popular issues gets sold out very quickly) and that ensured me that I never missed an issue. About one to two years after that, the Malaysian currency took a plunge in comparison to the American Dollar and this means an increase to the comic prices. That's when I stopped reading comics as I came to my senses that I'm spending a lot of money on this hobby. Furthermore, with the price increased I wouldn't want to spend that amount of money on it for it's just not worth the effort. Although it's value increases through time (for the popular titles) it'll be difficult to find a buyer in this part of the world. Anyway, I can't do that, cause a lot of my comics were chomped away by the little critters called woodworm. They sure know what to pick, most of the titles that were eaten away were really good and valuable ones! What's left behind were other not so hot issues and the rest were just thrown about and not handled with care after the incident. This was because the floors too were eaten away and my parents fixed up the floorboards and when they did so they cleared the comics and couldn't be bothered to handle such things with care. There were of course comics that are saved and those are the ones on the shelf. But I couldn't bother to look at any comics anymore after the sad incident occured.

Besides the X-Men title, I also dabbled on a bit of other titles, such as the what if... title, and the Spawn series, also The Punisher and Gen 13. Looking back on the comic superheroes that I adored, I can tell that I was always cut out to be a loner, since the comicbook characters that I like too were loners. I wonder is it just a correlation or the cause of my thinking.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Back to So-Called Normal

With the recent holidays that has appeared during the last week, I manage to get my well needed rest to the full. On top of that I manage to do a bit more cleaning than usual to beautify my place a little so as to help me have a more appetizing appeal to my home. I really am very grateful for the holidays as it brings back memories of my unemployment period where I did had plenty of rest from a lethargic life and doing the work which I want to do. A carefree life. I didn't do much leisure things with my friends because I wanted to savor the opportunity to clean up my place just like I intended to so very long ago, bringing the place one step closer to the dream home I ever wanted to make.

All is not that well though. My housemates were plagued with a little trouble here and there. Nothing serious fortunately (except for one). One housemate of mine, after coming back from Japan got sick. Japan fever? Hope whatever he's having is not contagious just like the time when one of them got the flu. In the end, everybody except me took turns having flu! I don't want that to happen again.

Then there is my roomie, who went to play footsal one holiday evening, ended up not walking very well after injuring his foot. The fellow grew so tired during the holidays that he failed to wake up to commenced our planned activities!

The worst one of all lost his job. Now he's unemployed with a heavy financial burden down his back, but he's managing at the moment. Hope he get his job soon or he'll really be in big trouble. I helped him out a bit by waiving his rental till he obtains a job since his rental is very low anyway.

Yes, holiday or no holiday, things were pretty normal for us folks here this holiday. Didn't do much stuff other than that footsal and Pahang trip thinggy which I skipped those. Pretty plain life these days, but grateful to have the holidays to rewind from the stress of work. Now if only it could last forever....

Friday, October 28, 2005

Marvelous or Is It?

I wonder have you ever got this e-mail or SMS before:

1)key-in the first 3 digit of your handphone number(not the 01x number) into the calculator

2) multiply by 80

3) add 1

4) multiply by 250

5) plus last four digit of phone number

6) plus last four digit of phone number again

7) minus 250

8) divide by 2 at last

Is it your handphone number????AMAZING!!!!!

I took one look at this equation and immediately see a really stupid calculation. The dead giveaway, lines 3 and 4 with 7. It's practically saying, add 250 then minus 250. Sheer stupidity. Basically, this calculation merely asks you to multiply your first three numbers with 10000, then add your last four numbers. Of course that will work! How I got the conclusion? Consider this calculation:

Let's name the first three numbers of your cell phone as x and the last four digits as y. So it says multiply by 80, so you'll get 80x.

Add 1 and you get the equation 80x +1 = ?. Next, it says multiply by 250. 250 multiply by 80 would be 20000, therefore the equation would now be

20000x + 250 = ?.

Adding the last four digit numbers of your handphone twice would equate to 2y. So, the equation now looks like this:

20000x + 250 +2y = ?

The dead giveaway line was up next so it now looks like the following:

20000x + 250 - 250 + 2y =?

20000x + 2y = ?

Continuing on:

(20000x + 2y)/2 = ?

and voila:

10000x + y = your cell phone number!

Man, whoever thought of this must have way too much free time.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Well, erm, I have no picture of Mary John, erm, instead I've decided to post this...

A Tribute To Mary John

I've been rather busy these past few weeks, running up and down like a monkey chasing a banana. Rushing and gushing and guzzling leaving me little time to even drink water and ease myself at the loo! I even had to plan my bathroom trips! It's the fasting month for the Malays and working in a place filled with Malays, I look like the one that is fasting. They go about their daily lives looking very normally as they would while in this month I look more lethargic than ever. The plus side of things is I got to go back at five without anybody making a fuss.

Although busy with a hectic schedule, I just feel like I had to write something after hearing about a friend of mine who passed away yesterday. Even though I have not much to say about her but I just feel the urge to blurt out whatever I can. She passed away at around three pm plus yesterday and if I'm not mistaken she was at the age of 74. It might not be a bad age to die at but somehow I just pity the way she had to die. Illness may be one thing but suffering? The poor soul. She has always been such a nice and kind lady.

When I got home yesterday, my roomie told me the news that she was in critical condition at the University Hospital (which is now known as University Malaya Medical Center), but little did we know, she had already passed away. It was shocking for me to hear the news because just on the Sunday that went by, she looked pretty fine to me. She was as her usual self. Sure I know of her condition but I've never knew it could be that serious in just a short period of time.

Why I would say that she's a kind and gentle lady is that she not only takes the opportunity to talk to me as much as she can (I guess, she feels quite lonely many a times for I can see it in her eyes), but she also listens to what I tell her when I request for her patience on certain matters. I guess we started talking more to each other after one day I was out with her in the field. That one hour truly was the turning point that brought us closer to each other. Subsequently after that, whenever we see each other, she greets me with a really big smile, which I rarely see her doing. Due to being in different group and her deterioration on health, we seldom get to see each other anymore.

Well, all I've got to say about her is that she warms my heart at times because she made me feel wanted. That's why I wouldn't want to delay in posting such a thing.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

May I Help You?

Good food really makes life worth living. Recently there was a new mall that opened up near my workplace. The first time I went there, there was absolutely nothing much there. The place is most totally boring. But now that there are more shops that have opened up, yet it still has nothing much to see at all. How disappointing. The only thing inside there that interest me would be the bookstore MPH. But even then, the place is so small I fail to see the urge to even go there at all. I would rather hang out back at the big MPH in One Utama's new wing. The new shopping mall was named SACC. I have no idea what it stands for. Shah Alam Community Center? Shah Alam Convenience Center? Stupid Apes Catching Cold? I don't know. However I'm glad that now there's a 'Secret Recipe' cafe opened up. Gotta be careful though, don't wanna blow my budget by spending on food.

Just the other day I was eating in there. I noticed a very annoying trait they picked up, when you enter, one would say "Good afternoon" and then you will be bombarded with all the others greeting out of harmony to you. Annoying because greetings are supposed to be pleasant. They made it in such a way, that I felt that I was shouted at. Why I said they 'picked up' this trait was because originally, this was merely done in Japanese customs. Hence, when you walk into a Japanese restaurant or whatever Japanese shop, they will greet you with 'いらっしゃいませ' (irasshaimase) or direct translation, 'Welcome!' But the way they do it was never unpleasant to hear. You will never get the feeling that they are annoying in saying that. It feels more like those people who go round selling bread and from time to time they ring their bells. Only less frequent (the greeting, that is). So I had a delicious meal over there, spaghetti and meatballs along with a nice chocolate fudge cake to go with my hot chocolate. I felt so satisfied after a meal like that. The waiter who served me was so confident of his service that he handed me a feedback form to fill up. Upon looking at the form, I had to give a good rating with the questions they asked since I found no fault on those areas. There was a space for me to fill in my comment so that they can 'serve me better' or so it says there but I left it blank. After that meal I had, I felt so relaxed that I couldn't think of anything to write in that column.

It was only after I left that I could think of something that I would like to include in my two cents worth. One would be the greeting, and the other would be the interior decoration. I mean the design is not bad considering the awkwardness and limit in space that they rented, but I feel that it could've been better to put on a little more relaxing atmosphere. With the afternoon sun blinding it's rays in, it feels more of a pain to look out of the shop even though the sun is not directly shining through.

Come to think of it, the greetings part just plain suck in Malaysia. When I walk into a Japanese restaurant in Malaysia, sure they do say "Irasshaimase", but they always more often than not say it in a very lazy way. I can hardly hear what on earth are they saying. Usually I only get to hear the last one or two syllables. In Japan, I can always hear clearly the whole word when they greet. Whereas here, they either say it really quickly which drowns the first few syllables or slur it which you can't make out what they're saying, or the one that annoys me the most, they only say the last two syllables. There's no meaning to it at all! I guess this greeting thing, still needs a lot of work before they can properly implement such a culture in Malaysia.

I'm just plain happy, that a few other eating places has popped up which means more choices in this dead place. I wish though, that more affordable and delicious eating places would come up. The choices still aren't many with just these few.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Kiddy Grade

I've finally finished another anime title. This time around it's 'Kiddy Grade'. It's the greatest anime I've seen so far. Although the arrangement on how the story goes needs to be improved but overall I'm fascinated with the ever intriguing story. A whole bigger picture involved thing.

As I was watching one of the episode, a phrase captured my attention. The show was screening about a flashback of one of the main character. In that flashback, there was a scene where a robot badly damaged was laying on the floor and the main character was mentioning that the three laws of robotics is merely a program. Hmm. That sounded familiar to me. And then it struck me. 'I, Robot'.

I did some research on it and found out that it was Isaac Asimov's idea. Further digging enlightened me more on how interesting Isaac Asimov's theories are. Got to know that he himself is a scientist on top of writing science fiction novels. That's how he came up with such great stories like the Foundation series and the Robotic series. Mind you, before this, when I saw 'I, Robot' in the movies, although it was mentioned that it's an adaptation to Isaac Asimov's short story 'I, Robot', it never occured to me that it was a really vast imagination with superb logical scientific explanation tied to it. I've always thought that it was merely from a short animated story that it was adapted from. Isaac Asimov's theory on the three laws of robotics simply fascinated me as it was logical and capable of coming true in the future (the theory not the story).

Kiddy Grade wasn't without it's own splendid imagination of the future. The uniqueness of each characters capabilities no doubt is hard to describe on what it does but the creativity part of it is certainly something I would praise it for. The design of the spaceships were extensively detailed which won my admiration for such complexity and the harmony in line with its physics involved. Too bad that these details were not mentioned in the show which could easily be overlooked by anybody because they mentioned it in the show as if its something ordinary and known to the viewers. I personally think that these plausible details should deserve a bit more attention than that since it's not easy to think up of such great details in line with the physics involved.

My love for anime has grown ever more and I hunger to view more. After watching such a great story in Kiddy Grade, my interest weighs more towards anime than for TV shows. Interesting culture Japanese have.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Oh, Phooey!

Great, just great! With the amount of work piling up day by day, one of the worse thing that could happen did happen. My office PC failed on me! It was one of those weird problems which I can't figured out what's wrong with it. It was working fine, then poof, suddenly it restarted. Strangely enough, it started normally, but when it got to the logon screen, my keyboard doesn't work! After careful scrutinizing it, I found out it works in DOS but doesn't work in windows! Not even when I tried to reinstalled windows. Really major problem there. Keyboard can't even work to install windows! Why, oh why, of all the time it had to fail when the going is getting tougher. Well, that certainly delays my work. More explaining needed to be done. Just great! '~'

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Messed Up?

Gee, I pretty much messed up. There was suppose to be a post that says 'Kiddy Grade' as my newest post, but out of technical problems, the entire thing that I've typed for that post is wiped out in a single click! Ah well, indicates that I need to start from scratch again. Let's see, what did I mentioned in that post?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Wedding Season

This year seems to teem with loads of weddings of people whom I know and I was not invited to any of them. I'm not mad with anybody for not inviting me, but one of my friend who spoke to me regarding this matter does have a strong point. He said, "Weddings are a person's most special occasion. It is one of the most joyous event in that person's lifetime. Hence, to make a special occasion even more delightful, the saying 'The More The Merrier' applies. With the exception of not inviting people whom is dislike by one of the 2 parties. Hence, anybody would've been invited should there be no friction between the bride or bridegroom with the individual."

But seeing as to how many times I was not invited, his remark has begun to make me wonder of my relationship with my friends. It made me wonder, what was the reason that I was not invited to my FRIENDs wedding. Is it because I'm a single guy with no proper job hence they figured that I wouldn't be able to afford a gift for them? Or is it because they were angry with me over something? Was it because I was never close to them at all and all those many times we hung out together were merely a facade? Then, why hang out together in the first place? This is the part that I just don't get it at all. I was even invited to a former colleague's wedding whom I'm not very close to (I don't have much time to talk to her at all). But the surprising thing is she invited me, even though it falls on a working day, was held in another state, yet she still wanted me to attend. In fact, she wanted the whole office to attend jokingly suggested the idea of a holiday but in the end none of us could make it since we had to work.

But I was thinking what gives, friends not wanting to invite me? People who don't know me well invited me? This is very confusing. Well, invited or not I don't care less, cause I have been to many weddings in my lifetime plus I don't need to get a wedding present for them. hehe :P

But it does incur a curious inquisition in my mind, how deep are my friendships? I think on this matter I don't mind being completely alone since it was my own fault for being an introvert. Would greatly aspire to do my works in the shadow. Wouldn't even mind not having any commendations just as long as it doesn't get creditted by someone else.

Hmm, maybe I should change my nick to 'Shadow Member'. 'Shadow Member', I do like the sound of that. :D

Thursday, September 22, 2005

I Do Not Speak Alien

Some people might have been having strange symbols showing when they're at my page. Well, I can tell you one thing, it's NOT alien language. It's actually Japanese. The example of it would be on the right hand sidebar after the 'Other Places' section and before the 'Old Stuff' section, there's a section with funny symbols as the header. It's suppose to read, 前のポスト (mae no posto), translation as previous post. But I found out that even if your computer is not set to display Japanese character's, it doesn't matter! It's actually in Unicode format (UTF-8) hence it will display once your browser setting is set to display Unicodes. Besides, those whose browser settings is set to display Japanese characters get a few strange symbols and characters too! Just something I would like to inform. Nothing much.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

The End of One Great Story

It's over. It's finally over. The manga 'Ichigo 100%' has concluded with volume 18. I feel somewhat lighter with the end of volume 18. A part of me was glad the story finally finished and a part of me felt sad. Why I was glad it finished is that the story finally moved on instead of being stuck with the same old storyline. The main guy character finally made a decision and stuck to it. Obviously I was sad because the story is no more.

I do think however that the ending was a good one even though I'm not quite happy on how some characters turned out in the end. For example, I don't like how the other two girl characters (東城 - Toujou and さつき - Satsuki) turned out to be without a mate when they already had no chance with 真中 - Manaka. Why do they have to continue their lives like that, not moving on in life? It feels rather sad. And although 真中 - Manaka is quite happy living his life, yet I also feel that he should've ended up with a better life. Instead of working hard labor to support himself and to fuel his dreams, he should at least be working in the world of movies, be it cameraman or somewhere along the lines. But one thing I was satisfied with is that he stuck with 西野 - Nishino right to the end (which he should have in the first place. Slow guy indeed.)

Now with one good story gone, I'm wondering where to get my next piece as my source has been shut down! ~What a cruel world~ :(

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Puppy Playtime

Where's My Bliss?!!?

In this few recent weeks, I have been working like a mad dog. It saps my energy to exhaustive level and leaves me with little to amuse myself. Weekends are usually my off day, but recently I've also been working on weekends. On top of that, my nights too are filled with work. Due to the enhancement that I've been planning to implement, I have no choice but to comply. Well, at least it's better than the time when trouble arose and I had to stay till midnight to try to rectify the problem. The odd thing about that day was while going back on that night, although already pretty late, yet there was a jam piled up near my workplace! I soon found out that it was due to a soccer match held at the stadium nearby whereby the match had ended not too long ago. What a day that was. Somehow despite my emotional rollercoaster that I'm in, I still don't feel as tired as I always do with my previous job. Attempts to smile and put on a friendly facade comes somewhat easy. Used to be that when I was really exhausted in my previous job, I would just slump in my mattress immediately after I reached home. Nowadays, when I reach home even though exhausted from work and hot weather, yet I feel excited to continue with my hobbies and relaxed after taking a shower. I always end up sleeping late since I usually fail to pull myself away from my computer. No matter. I'm not complaining a single bit since I'm getting extra cash with the added overtime work. Nothing to shout about though, since I always prefer to laze around than work.

So again I'm wondering, where's my bliss??? I can't find a time when I can truly relax myself. I wish I could travel. But with limited funds nowadays, I couldn't afford a holiday. How I envy the two friends of mine who went to China for awhile. I was suppose to go to China too!!! My family planned up a trip to do so early this year. Unfortunately they scrapped the plan once they heard about a bird flu epidemic going on in China and ever since still haven't planned up anything yet. They went to Hong Kong last year leaving me out of the picture :{ I wanna go to Hong Kong too!!! I guess I shouldn't complain that much since I went to Japan in 2003.

That was surely the best trip I had ever taken. I get to brush up my Japanese, I get to experience autumn season in Japan, I get to see Mount Fuji from a distance at Yokohama, I get to see a truly breathtaking view of Japan, I get to try various delicious authentic Japanese food, I get to experience 7 degrees celcius in Otaru, I got to visit the musical box factory, and so forth and so forth. How I wish that period would never end. After such experience, I am considering to return to Japan again!!! *sigh* Looks like that would still be a long way off for now cause I'm having difficulties financially, plus my parents don't like to to visit Japan. What a disappointment. Whatever. Hope the trip to China will be realized one day. Shanghai or Hong Kong or Beijing! AH, the thought of it just gets me excited. I wanna go back to Japan too. This time it will be Kyoto, or anywhere in the Kansai district area! Then will probably return to Hokkaido as well and visit the bears and get 白い恋人 (shiroi koibito , direct translation -----> white sweetheart!!!) a kind of biscuit which has chocolate in between. It was HYPER GOOD!!! I truly miss that.

Well, I can go on and on about Japan because I love the place so much. If only I was born there. If only I am able to live there (although too much of a good thing is no good). But till now, it's still very much a fantasy.
^v^ **~dream~**~dream~** ^v^

Friday, September 09, 2005

A Play of Emotions

These past few weeks have really been a rollercoaster ride on my feelings. I guess it's because I'm having access to so many inspirational materials with me. This year has truly put me in a situation of finding things that affect me deeply. Started off with getting Corrinne May's CD which was inspiring to me (even moving me to tears with her first two melodies). Then there was that ever eventful day of despair and helplessness when I plunged head first into moving to an apartment by myself. The start of a new job excited me, fearful of unable to meet up to expectations too. The evermore beat around the bush hospital visitations to find out of my health condition. And last but not least, the discovery of the world of Japanese anime and manga!

In the beginning, I have never been interested in Japanese anime and manga. The thought of watching and reading those stuff just doesn't seem to interest me. I've always shunned it even though I was already sucked into the world of comics. (Especially enjoyed the Wolverine and X-Men series). My friends whom I hang out often with were rambling on non-stop about it at one time especially when the Initial D series came out but always, I would tuned off to what they would have to say replying that I'm not interested.

Then one day, upon stumbling on a really good website about tv shows, I've been madly watching TV shows on my computer (ironically) on a daily basis. That was the time when I decided to watch an anime for a start. After watching the first anime, I figured, "Hmm, that's not bad" and started to watch the Initial D series to find out what's the hype about. When I started watching it, I couldn't stopped. Ended up I had to play the next episode to find out what happened to satisfy my curiosity. It surely started me to like animes. Hence I moved on from there. From there, I grew to love animes more and more and started to read mangas to get the story of the manga (as most adaptation of mangas into animes had different storylines although the main story remains the same). Now I'm totally immersed in it and all these got me pretty worked up.

I remember a similar thing happened during my high school period. That time it was about Jpop. I've never liked Jpop then as I find it noisy and in a language I do not understand at that time. But once one of my friend introduced me to Utada Hikaru (the song of course, not the person!) I gave Jpop a listen. And it started to grow in me. Nowadays, I love Jpop too! I also use it as a tool to help me improve in my Japanese sometimes.

Hence, I believe these are some events that have led me to become quite an emotional person recently. No more of that violent temper flaring up nowadays (used to be easily provoked) but more of the easiness of crying when I feel moved or sad and getting overjoyed and cheery when I'm happy. The downside is feeling extra nervous when I do get nervous. This really contrasts to what I was last time. People say I have no feelings because I always have the same expression. Okay, fine, I have a strong feminine side of me! But I'm still very much of a guy compared to many people! Plus I'm not a fag! Hey, I grew up with two sisters you know. Of course I'll be influenced!

Anyway, there's nothing wrong in letting my feelings go, though I still prefer to bottle up most of the time. In fact, keeping to myself although is not as fun but it does portray a sense of coolness, doesn't it? Doesn't it? :P

Monday, September 05, 2005

Corrinne May

I've been rambling about this lady for quite some time now, ever since I was moved by her version of 'Close to You' (original song from The Carpenters) from the movie 'So Close'. It took me about a month, frantically scouring the Internet and music stores in search of the song before I finally gave up. I even went to the extent of asking music soundtrack reviewers and music magazine editors and journalists to help me out to search of it (thank you for those who made an effort for me) but all had negative replies. Finally, upon stumbling on her website (simple back then), I manage to locate a way to contact her. Having doubts that an artiste would ever reply, I tried anyway as I had no more leads to go on. To my surprise, she did reply! However, I was disappointed to know that it was never released to the public at all. Instead, they released a version by Karen Mok in the soundtrack.

After that fiasco happened, I found out of her album. I sampled her song 'The Journey' which was given free on and found out that it was a soothing piece and nice to listen too. After reviewing comments from people who had purchased her album, I was surprised to find that everyone gave such a good comment about it. "Is it really that good?" I thought to myself. With that, I decided to purchase the album to listen for myself. When I got ahold of it, I never got to listen to it first. My friend sampled the album, said that all the songs were excellent and decided to take it home to listen first, promising to return the album the next day.

The day came, I got the album back, and I listen to it with eagerness. When I finished listening to the whole album, I was awe strucked by it. I kept wondering to myself, how could such a wonderful and inspirational album exist without ever being popular?

A few months went by. By that time I was completely in love with the compositions. That's when the second album came out. Although I'm quite certain the second album wouldn't move me like the first album, nonetheless, I'm also sure that it would surpass any others according to my taste. That prompted me to import the second album. I listened with glee and was surprised that I'm not disappointed even though my hopes for the second album were not that high.

One thing that baffles me is with the released of the second album, Corrinne gained popularity tremendously especially in Singapore but right up north in Malaysia, I have yet to meet a person who actually knows who Corrinne May is. Not even the people who work in record stores know who she is. (This does not mean that there aren't anybody in Malaysia who knows who Corrinne May is as I've seen Malaysians posting on the Internet before). As this was the case, I took the initiative to introduce some of my friends to her songs. I even went to the extent of purchasing her album and distributing it to one of my friends (who liked it very much) as a present for I don't condone ripping the songs out without having the album.

What intrigued me most of all about this singer-songwriter however, is not her masterpieces nor her colorful choice of words for lyrics, but rather her down to earth personality. Okay. So I've never met her personally. But judging from the many responds of her fans, I'm convinced to believe so. She's even responded to my e-mails twice. That's already a record for me. To top it off, selling autographed CDs to anyone who buys from Signing autographs to each and everyone who lined up to meet her? That's the first I've heard.

Anyway, that's just my opinion. The facts are determined by oneself. I'm just glad that I've received such a great inspiration to write songs again. Now if only I got the money to get my instruments for writing my songs. *sigh*.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

The Joys of Life Called Luxury

Aaaaah. Such a joy it is to indulge one's life into the comfort of luxury. I surely got a wonderful luxury going on for me since the date of August 23, 2005. What is it? A CHAUFFEUR!!! I've always had friends to pick me up for an occasion or event or even people picking me up to hang out together but never in my life do I have someone hired to specially pick me up and drop me off to work. (a school bus don't count!) Yes, ever since that fateful day arrived, my boss hired a taxi cab to pick me up everyday from Mondays to Fridays at my condo to my workplace. Come to think of it, I have been able to salvage quite a number of luxuries this year. I feel guilty and dumb in applying all these and I still do not know why I get myself all these luxuries when even at times I can't afford it. But no matter, I am now in the situation that I'm in now.

You see, in the beginning of the year, I started off fresh from being unemployed (as my former job was affecting my health and job performance, I had no choice but to quit). I was squeezing on a tight budget and being a real scrooge as much as possible. However, when my room rent increased, I've decided to move (it just isn't worth paying the amount for the tiny room). Fantasizing of the freedom I would possess should I rent a house, I went for the idea as I had a few friends indicating to me that they're moving and was thinking of somewhere in the area of PJ (Petaling Jaya).

Everything seemed to be going as planned. Two friends had decided to join moving in with me while I had an interview which they decided that they would offer me the contract to the job once I'm done with the medical checkup. Seems fine, until everything started to crumble when I was finalising my plans. The two friends of mine backed down from sharing the place I had already agreed to rent with works already being done. The worse part however came from the job I'm suppose to have. My medical checkup came back a bit of a problem. They found blood on my urine when they ran the test and although it's not visible nor serious, I was rejected for the job. From that point, I was feeling hopeless, not knowing what to do. I have arrived at a situation where there is no turning back. I have put myself into a locked position without a solution.

Oddly enough, I do not feel depress about the situation even though, I couldn't think of a way out. All I could think of was to ask God for help. This is the 1st time ever that I've felt so helpless. those who know of my situation tried to help me out as much as they can but more often than not nothing could be done about it.

After a few days passed, with works already finished with my new place and it was time to move, I still don't feel sad or depressed surprisingly, but rather helpless. Then, God's help came. まじで. Really! One Japanese guy, who was staying at one of my friend's place was coming back from Japan. However, my friend's place was already full, hence he decided to move in to my condo.

Next came another blessing in disguise! My current boss' employee was resigning which leaves the position opened! I was recommended to him as a replacement and voila! just like that I landed myself a job.

Not even a week went by, another pleasant surprise met me! Another Japanese guy, who's currently studying here in Malaysia was interested in renting my last vacant room. In less than a week I was set back on course. Indeed, a helping hand from God. What's more, after a month or so went by, more and more people were interested in moving in to my place, including the first two friends who backed down in the first place. Unfortunately, I have to turned down most of 'em for I had no more room to spare.

Actually, I do know why I did such a drastic change even though I do not have much to spare. I had a dream of providing cheap lodging for people who are in need. I was moved into action when chatting with some of my friends. One told me of the burden of being the head tenant and was contemplating of moving to a cheaper place since she was having problems with the other tenants. Another was thinking of moving to Petaling Jaya area to be closer to his place of worship. Still another wishing to have more for his daily living as he struggles to make ends meet. After speaking to such ones, I was moved to help people like them explaining my rash behavior. (By the way, I never did tell anybody about this reason of moving into a condo which is the main reason) But I could never break free from helping people. I could never stop trying to help people even though I did force myself to do so before. It ended up me feeling rather unhappy as my conscience bothers me non-stop. Hence, I decided to keep doing as best as I can, even though I would need to suffer most of the time. What to do? I'm a slave to try being helpful although I'm not much of a help. That's why my favorite scripture used to be Acts 20:35. Used to? Yup. It's now Malachi 3:10 where God says, "Test me out, please, in this respect, and see that I shall not open to you the floodgates of the heavens and actually empty out upon you a blessing until there is no more want".

Well, currently I'm managing financially (not as good as I used to), I guess luxury always comes with a price. But it was priceless to experience such a turnover, that a way out was provided for me. But I still wish that I kept a simple life, for humans could never be contented if they don't want to. And added luxuries merely meant added burdens and responsibilities.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Blogging - My Reason

Many people said that I'm a very quiet person and I tend to agree. Usually I would reply to them that I'm 'Quiet by Nature'. So people who know me would wonder why am I blurting out aimlessly on the net, why am I blogging when I'm an introvert? The reason is pretty simple:-
自分満足. Self-satisfaction.
Yes. I get a sense of satisfaction by penning my thoughts and daily living down into writing. In fact, I used to keep diaries ever since I turned 12. Got the inspiration from Twin Peaks. Hehe. Well, not exactly Twin Peaks per se, but the book 'The Diary of Laura Palmer'.

After moving into the big city of Petaling Jaya (a city in Selangor), I found that I could not keep my diaries as it contained many deep and dark secrets that I wouldn't want anybody to know about. Hence, I burned every single one of em. But now I'm starting to write again!!! How, ironic. Well, since it's public-accessible, I wouldn't reveal what I wouldn't want to. ;P

But what have inspired me to write again, you might say. Well, 2 things. Corrinne May and Ichigo 100%!
1) Corrinne May
Well, she's a singer-songwriter who inspired me a bit on writing a blogspot. The choice of words she so gracefully pick is sweet to the mind to read and digest. She inspires me more on song writing.
2) Ichigo 100%
This is the backbone of why I started writing again. It's a manga adapted into an anime about the life of a boy who got himself into a complex love situation. Erm, a bit えっち (perverted), in fact it might be too えっち for some people's taste. However, I find that I loved the comedy of it. In the story, there's a character named 東城綾 (Toujou Aya) who writes really great stories, and that's what sparked my passion for writing again (the reason she writes, not her stories).

Silly ain't it, the reason? No matter, I'm one of those weird, silly people who still wonders why I jump out of bed in the morning when I can't place a reason to live!

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Petronas Twin Towers of Malaysia

What, Malaysia?

Being on the Internet, oftentimes I get a lot of people asking me where I'm from. When I reply Malaysia, more often than not, I get a "cool", "I see", "hmm", response and then the inevitable will follow, "where's that"/"where's Malaysia"? And I would have to say "It's above Singapore". I mean what gives? Singapore is way many times smaller than Malaysia, but I always have to refer to Singapore in order for people to acknowledge where my country is placed.

In fact, Singapore was a part of Malaysia before they broke off to be an independant country in August 7, 1965. 2 days later it was recognised as an independant nation on August 9, 1965 which is also Singapore's National Day.

So, again the question is what gives? What has made Singapore into a country that is so well known compared to Malaysia? The answer probably lies in economics. Singapore rapidly developed into a very successful free-market economy compared to Malaysia.

So what is Malaysia doing? Well, there were notable efforts involved, such as the Petronas Twin Towers which once was THE most tallest building in the world (unseated by Taipei 101 tower in 2003), and also bringing the world of F1 racing into Malaysia by hosting races here, and all of these efforts began with the Visit Malaysia Year in 1990, if I'm not mistaken.

In spite of all these, yet people still don't seem to recognise where Malaysia is. Sometimes worse, WHAT Malaysia is. I guess I'll just have to live with the fact that Malaysia turns out to be that way. ;P

Thursday, August 18, 2005


What a morning to start my day. Woke up with a severe stomachache. Could hardly walk to get to the bathroom, had to crawl halfway. (Sorry if that sounded a little disgusting.)

Because of that, I was later than usual to get to the bus stop (yeah, I'm a sad soul, relying on public transportation even though, Malaysia's public transportation has improved considerably.) The day was just getting started and I was thinking to myself it might be a wonderful day, after all the LRT is not so pack with people today. And then it came. The sky started to grew darker and darker, thunder could be heard indicating that it's distance away. The rain started to pour heavily down to the ground. How I wish it was armageddon that had arrived but instead a thunderstorm greeted while I was joyriding my way to work.

When I arrived nearby at my place of work, I got down at my stop, but it was still raining. Hence, I decided to take shelter at the bus stop waiting for the rain to stop for I have forgotten to bring a brolly. 10 minutes went by and it's still raining, so I decided to make the most of the situation by reading a book I have brought. About 45 minutes later, I've finished reading the book but the rain look relentless in its effort. A moment later, it started to subside. As my patience grew weary, I decided to start my 5-minute walk to my workplace. Good thing it didn't get any heavier. The 5-minute walk to my workplace in the drizzle has made me wet enough to evoke pity from the staff of the State Library.

So what a day to be started in. Saiyaku indeed. The meaning? Japanese for the worst.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Finally, Starting with Things!

Yay. Finally I sat down and start to create a blogspot for myself.
Been wanting to create a web page for myself for quite sometime but never got the chance (or just plain lazy) to actually sit down, plan, and do it. Now that I finally got the ball rolling I hope I can maintain my enthusiasm to keep it snowballing on.
Hmmm... start with introduction I guess,

My name: Kelvin Tan.

My job: System Administrator for a really teeny tiny company.
My boss is actually my friend and I'm helping him out in
this company. I'm not the system administrator for the
company (it's Automated Library System, in case you're
wondering it's name) but rather the system administrator for
the client, the Selangor State Library otherwise known as
PPAS (stands for Perbadanan Perpustakaan Awam Selangor,
translation to English is er, um, the Body of Selangor
Public Library? I think so).

My location: In case you're wondering what's this Selangor thing,
it's actually a state in a country called Malaysia.
Yeah. And that's where I'm from.

My interests: Lots. Erm, too many to mention here (or too lazy to
mention at the moment) but you'll get to know it along
the way.

Whew. I finally survived my first post. Hope to post more in future. Next...must start getting a digital camera so I can start taking pictures and posting it in my blog. :>
Oh, well.